Red Woman Blogging

So my new site is up, and I love the work done by Waxcreative! I have a contest up, excerpts, tidbits, and more, so I hope you browse through the contents and enjoy!

There’s a difference between passion and bonding with your lover. Passion, when sparked, is fast and fiery, fed by a rush of dopamine (a chemical in the brain) which feels much like adrenaline. This rush cannot last, we all know this, and therefore, once the burst of passion dies, we are left feeling almost hung over. Experts agree that the chemical responsible for bonding between couples is not the same one responsible for passion. The chemical which gives us the cuddly, lovey dovey feeling of contentment is oxytocin.

How do you stimulate both dopamine and oxytocin to enjoy a full and healthy love life?

How about trying to do one or several of these each day?

Eye contact: it is amazing what the eyes can say. Smiling, while gazing at each other, or just gazing at each other with love and understanding, is a sure way to keep that bond with your lover alive.

Touching: Yes! Everyone knows how touch has been said to hold healing powers, and perhaps, because of our response of our bodies to touch, it does! So don’t hesitate to hold hands, stroke jaws, let your fingers wander even for a scant second to remind your lover that you care. Don’t you love it when your lover touches you unexpectedly?

Holding: Of course! The power of the bear hug, no one can deny how intensely one feels bonded to someone you love if you give each other a real, heartfelt hug.

Massaging and tickling: Be it using this in a playful manner, or with the intention to ease and comfort, massages and tickles have always played important parts in loving relationships.

Reading: Reading to each other, while lying together close, is a wonderful way to bring people together. Hear his or her voice in your ear, feel their chest rise and fall, stroke them lovingly while they, in turn, stroke you with poetry . . .

Compliments: In this day and age, people are so inclined to know and say what they don’t like, and rarely remember to mention the things that we do. Don’t forget to compliment your lover – remember how you feel when he or she compliments you!

Giving: Just as doing something special and unexpected for your lover would likely bring them thrill, don’t forget to appreciate the things your lover does and gives to you, too. Did he bring home the milk without you asking him to? Did she go through pains to cook a special meal? Giving, willingly, says a thousand things, but most importantly it says: I care. So say thank you, and remember to show you care, too.

Scents: Scents are extremely powerful, and it is proven that somehow our memories are triggered by scents. Take moments to breathe each other’s hair, play with oils and candles – some scents will relax you, others arouse you, but for sure they will link you and your lover together.

Sleeping: We are so vulnerable when we’re asleep, there’s something very sexy and tender about sleeping with someone. But sometimes, we forget they’re in bed with us! Try to spoon, or hold each other’s hand, while you sleep, and when you wake up, likely the first thought on your minds that day will be of each other.

Kissing: There’s just something about kissing endlessly, softly, or hard, that is so deliciously intimate between lovers. Don’t ever stop kissing your loves!

Is there anything your lover (husband, boyfriend, etc) does for you that you absolutely adore?

I go absolutely putty when Mr. Red puts his big strong arms around me and idly strokes my nape, arm, or shoulder. He may be reading a magazine while doing this, or speaking to someone, and yet the moment he does it I can think of nothing else but that my Mr. Red is so unconsciously and lovingly petting me!

I just read a most amazing book by ANNIE DILLARD called The Writing Life.

Annie has a divine prose, and this little gem is full of wonderful tidbits about writing and the realities of a writer’s life – which is not that glamorous. Being in a little room. Lost in your own little world. Not aware that outside, outside of your window, life is happening.

I have been struggling with my Work In Progress, and I read something in that very wonderful book which struck a chord. Many things did, actually, but one in particular the most.

She said it in lovelier words, but here is what I quivered to.

A book, a work in progress, still not even a book, a could-be book, needs your TLC. You, master, creator, must give it.

This amazing author compared the work to a sick patient, and says how rather than write the book, sometimes an author just sits with it, holds its hand, day after day sometimes without any hope, and prays it will be able to stand on its own some day. 

That’s exactly what I’m doing with my WIP now. Holding it’s hand and . . . well, I’m actually staring at it as though I wrote it all in Greek.

But now I hope if I pull out my emotional reserves and give it some more TLC, will please please please start to be kind to me?